Thinking..

Reflecting back on a time before….

I was extremely unstable and so I took myself and my dog for a crisp walk in the chilled air. Upon this walk I did not encounter a magical fairy to cure me of my woes. With each pounding step I felt my self moving closer to the thought, the thought of suicede. I have struggled with this idealology for a very long time but in truth I know that I could not do that to my family. Sometimes, we all do this, we began to feel so guiltly and ashamed and perceve that we are worthless, unwanted, just an annoyance. These moments and thoughts have an abilty to swallow you whole. Luckily I have a spectacular family to keep in mind. But during this specific night I had become so haunted, so empty. That is until I got a text from a sweet girl I would see in the walk-in center. She wore a look of discouraging dissapointment, she was not one to crack a smile or giggle. I would just greet her kindly, gradually building to conversation. She shared her secrets that troubled her with me and I offered her the best guidance I had. On this night she shared with me current events in her life and asked to share something with me, of course I said! Her box of secrets sharrted open as she told me of her planed escape from this life, how she was ready and prepared to go through with it on Febuarary 14th. What she said then made my black heart bleed, my presence in her life gave her the hope to keep fighting. I opened her eyes and heart to compassion. My brain shortcircuted briefly, how could possibly have any worth to anyone? How could I commit such acttack and leave people?
She gave me the boost to continue life. Seeing yourself in your own reflection can be horribly terrifying while when you view yourself in another reflection your whole world maybe enlightened.

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